What a year 2019 has been! There were days, weeks, months that were a struggle, but in the end we made it through. Here's where I was mid-year. I'm not sure I've gotten much further regarding my new year's resolutions, but I've gotten much farther with regards to my mental health. Even knowing how I fell behind with most of my other goals, I am quite happy with the direction 2019 took. I can only hope that 2020 will be that much better.
SEPTEMBER
We started taking French lessons at the end of August/beginning of September. Learning French has been a bit of an adventure.
OCTOBER
I started chatting with people on 7 Cups and actually making connections. The first connection happened with a UK therapist who I had hoped would stay in touch with me. I'm still hoping he will contact me again, over a month later. And then there were some misses – an Indian with a foot fetish who I ended up having to block when the chats got weird. Then I talked with a Canadian who seemed cool until he fell off the face of the earth and stood up me up for a meeting. But during the week of Halloween, I hit the jackpot in terms of friends. An Australian who assured me we wouldn't stay in contact has taken to messaging me every morning when he wakes up and last minute before he falls asleep at night. He shares videos of kangaroos and we contemplate life together. He calls me out when I'm being stupid and is one of the kindest, warmest human beings I've ever met. Then, on Halloween night, I chatted with an Indian living in the US who then introduced me to all of the Indian food. And finally, I met a neurologist living in the UK who teaches me all about the ins and outs of mental health.
NOVEMBER
November was about building friendships. My confidence grew and I willingly began attending parties and get-togethers again. We shipped out Christmas gifts to Germany and started working on family gifts. Then there was Thanksgiving and our niece's first birthday.
DECEMBER
2019: OVERVIEW
1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? took French classes, tried many variations of Indian food
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year? I kept some of my New Year's resolutions, but not all of them.
A. FINANCES
+ Paid off car.
≠ Did not let interest eat us alive.
B. BLOGGING
+ Participated in April A-Z
+ Participated in WW
+ Participated in a LOT of twitter chats.
C. TRAVEL
+ Saw a new beach (Venice Beach, Malibu Beach)
D. HEALTH
+ Lost weight.
+ Went ice skating
E.HOME
+ Replaced a few things that needed replacing
+ Went through more clothes
+ Went through more household items
+ Fixed things
F. OTHER
+ Practiced German and started learning French
+ Drank a lot of wine and tea.
+ Made friends.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my cousin Kelly, Justin's cousin Ami
4. Did anyone close to you die? my mom's cat, Justin's grandmother
5. What countries did you visit? Egypt (beginning of January), Germany
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? I didn't really lack this, but more friends. And confidence. I felt really out of it this year; it's taken a lot to "come around again".
7. What date, from 2019, will remain etched upon your memory, and why? No date in particular. Nothing stood out. It was all just meh.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making new friends and gaining confidence. Becoming happier. Making a practice of going ice skating once a week, for a good bit of the year. Sitting outside. Mostly learning about mental health and making an effort to work on my mental health.
9. What was your biggest failure? Falling apart in terms of blogging.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I fell and got a black eye. All of the people wondering if hubby was beating on me. That was fun.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A new laptop bag, flights to Paris (to go on to Scotland), a lamp from Sharm-El-Sheikh, Egypt, new used ice skates, French lessons
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Justin's for keeping me sane and fully supporting me in everything. <3
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A few people, but mostly my family for not listening to me when I raised concerns.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My Christmas present for some friends. I always try to think of something exciting and different from the year before which means I have to start thinking in the summer about Christmas. We ended up sending our friends an advent calendar of American treats. So rather than getting one gift, they get 24 different things! How fun is that?!?!
16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper – "Always Remember Us This Way"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? happier
Thinner or fatter? thinner
Richer or poorer? mixed? Probably richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I think I did what I had to do to get through the year, so I don't really have regrets. I can't think of a thing I wish I had done more of. Maybe if I had been in a better mental state – read more books?
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Shop. Then maybe I'd have more money for travel. Or I would have paid down more debt.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? at home
21. How will you be spending New Year? also at home
22. What was your favorite TV program? The Good Place
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No
24. What was the best book you read? I didn't read anything particularly good this year.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Lady Gaga can sing!!! What is this?!?!?!
26. What did you want and get? It feels a bit early to say this, but friends?
27. What did you want and not get? Lower debt.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? The Good Boys
29. What did you do on your birthday? At the beginning of July we went to LA and the surrounding areas, which I kind of counted as my birthday. But for my actual birthday, we explored 30A on the Florida panhandle.
30.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I think towards the end of the year I started getting this, but ... again, friends. Having people that enjoy talking to me and that I enjoy talking to. That definitely would have made my year immeasurably more satisfying.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? BoHo chic. Girly. Lots of dresses. Pink, black, blue.
32. What kept you sane? Lots of people! I always say my husband, so this year I'm going to start with my friend Anne. She had a way of putting things into perspective this year. "Be confident!" she told me. And she even reminded me to control my temper. When Anne wasn't available, I spent a good bit of time talking to a new friend from Australia, Keith, and a guy from Indiana, Jordan. They listened to me, consoled me, and basically gave me so much attention that I found it hard to get things done. But I was so grateful for their friendship and distraction. Then there was Paola, who had my back at work. We started hanging out a little after work ... and just ... she's awesome. So grateful for her friendship.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Claire Saffitz of "Gourmet Makes" because she's amazing, beautiful, funny, and totally skilled.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? I quit following politics this year. I was too stressed and depressed.
35. Who did you miss? Actually two people. One person, I barely knew, but we had a connection and I just loved talking to him. I don't know why we lost touch, but I can only hope he'll come back into my life in the future.
I also missed someone else and my friendship with that person. The whole experience of missing that person led me into a depression earlier in the year, which can only really be explained as sadness for what was and what can never be again. I don't know that I'm completely past that, and I don't actually know if I ever will be, but I have come a long way emotionally in the past year. For that, I am grateful.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019.
People change. They grow apart. You can't make them stay with you. You can't expect them to be the same person they were ten years ago. Maybe they don't know how to love you like you need to be loved?
Keep looking though. Because someone out there does know how to love you and can help you out when you need it most. And also, just because someone can't be there for you like you want or need them to be, doesn't mean that they aren't being there for you in the best way and only way they know how.
I had a friend tell me "I love you unconditionally" and in the time since, I've tested him. Never intentionally, but I'm female. Sometimes I say the wrong thing, sometimes I get emotional. And he told me "How deep is my love for you? ... No one knows. Best guess? Really f'ing deep." and then he gave me a virtual hug. And that was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. The realization that whatever I'm going through, no matter how stupidly I behave, he's got my back. And it just makes me so happy to know that there is someone out there that will have my back no matter what.
37. Quote that sums up your year.
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams."
- Pablo Neruda, “One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII
SEPTEMBER
 |
| Avensole Winery in Temecula, CA (July 2019) |
We started taking French lessons at the end of August/beginning of September. Learning French has been a bit of an adventure.
OCTOBER
 |
| South Pointe Park in Miami, FL (April 2019) |
I started chatting with people on 7 Cups and actually making connections. The first connection happened with a UK therapist who I had hoped would stay in touch with me. I'm still hoping he will contact me again, over a month later. And then there were some misses – an Indian with a foot fetish who I ended up having to block when the chats got weird. Then I talked with a Canadian who seemed cool until he fell off the face of the earth and stood up me up for a meeting. But during the week of Halloween, I hit the jackpot in terms of friends. An Australian who assured me we wouldn't stay in contact has taken to messaging me every morning when he wakes up and last minute before he falls asleep at night. He shares videos of kangaroos and we contemplate life together. He calls me out when I'm being stupid and is one of the kindest, warmest human beings I've ever met. Then, on Halloween night, I chatted with an Indian living in the US who then introduced me to all of the Indian food. And finally, I met a neurologist living in the UK who teaches me all about the ins and outs of mental health.
During October, we also celebrated my grandmother's 80th birthday and Justin's aunt's 50th. I got out on the ice rink for the first time since I fell and got a black eye. And before the month ended, I got to celebrate Halloween in New Orleans seeing a huge two-hour-long parade called "The Krewe of Boo". It was an awesome experience and I highly recommend going to anyone wanting exciting Halloween plans in the future.
NOVEMBER
 |
| Washington DC (April 2018) |
November was about building friendships. My confidence grew and I willingly began attending parties and get-togethers again. We shipped out Christmas gifts to Germany and started working on family gifts. Then there was Thanksgiving and our niece's first birthday.
DECEMBER
 |
| Joshua Tree National Park in California (July 2019) |
2019: OVERVIEW
1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? took French classes, tried many variations of Indian food
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year? I kept some of my New Year's resolutions, but not all of them.
A. FINANCES
+ Paid off car.
≠ Did not let interest eat us alive.
B. BLOGGING
+ Participated in April A-Z
+ Participated in WW
+ Participated in a LOT of twitter chats.
C. TRAVEL
+ Saw a new beach (Venice Beach, Malibu Beach)
D. HEALTH
+ Lost weight.
+ Went ice skating
E.HOME
+ Replaced a few things that needed replacing
+ Went through more clothes
+ Went through more household items
+ Fixed things
F. OTHER
+ Practiced German and started learning French
+ Drank a lot of wine and tea.
+ Made friends.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my cousin Kelly, Justin's cousin Ami
4. Did anyone close to you die? my mom's cat, Justin's grandmother
5. What countries did you visit? Egypt (beginning of January), Germany
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? I didn't really lack this, but more friends. And confidence. I felt really out of it this year; it's taken a lot to "come around again".
7. What date, from 2019, will remain etched upon your memory, and why? No date in particular. Nothing stood out. It was all just meh.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making new friends and gaining confidence. Becoming happier. Making a practice of going ice skating once a week, for a good bit of the year. Sitting outside. Mostly learning about mental health and making an effort to work on my mental health.
9. What was your biggest failure? Falling apart in terms of blogging.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I fell and got a black eye. All of the people wondering if hubby was beating on me. That was fun.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A new laptop bag, flights to Paris (to go on to Scotland), a lamp from Sharm-El-Sheikh, Egypt, new used ice skates, French lessons
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Justin's for keeping me sane and fully supporting me in everything. <3
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A few people, but mostly my family for not listening to me when I raised concerns.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My Christmas present for some friends. I always try to think of something exciting and different from the year before which means I have to start thinking in the summer about Christmas. We ended up sending our friends an advent calendar of American treats. So rather than getting one gift, they get 24 different things! How fun is that?!?!
16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper – "Always Remember Us This Way"
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? happier
Thinner or fatter? thinner
Richer or poorer? mixed? Probably richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I think I did what I had to do to get through the year, so I don't really have regrets. I can't think of a thing I wish I had done more of. Maybe if I had been in a better mental state – read more books?
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Shop. Then maybe I'd have more money for travel. Or I would have paid down more debt.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? at home
21. How will you be spending New Year? also at home
22. What was your favorite TV program? The Good Place
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No
24. What was the best book you read? I didn't read anything particularly good this year.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Lady Gaga can sing!!! What is this?!?!?!
26. What did you want and get? It feels a bit early to say this, but friends?
27. What did you want and not get? Lower debt.
28. What was your favorite film of this year? The Good Boys
29. What did you do on your birthday? At the beginning of July we went to LA and the surrounding areas, which I kind of counted as my birthday. But for my actual birthday, we explored 30A on the Florida panhandle.
30.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I think towards the end of the year I started getting this, but ... again, friends. Having people that enjoy talking to me and that I enjoy talking to. That definitely would have made my year immeasurably more satisfying.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? BoHo chic. Girly. Lots of dresses. Pink, black, blue.
32. What kept you sane? Lots of people! I always say my husband, so this year I'm going to start with my friend Anne. She had a way of putting things into perspective this year. "Be confident!" she told me. And she even reminded me to control my temper. When Anne wasn't available, I spent a good bit of time talking to a new friend from Australia, Keith, and a guy from Indiana, Jordan. They listened to me, consoled me, and basically gave me so much attention that I found it hard to get things done. But I was so grateful for their friendship and distraction. Then there was Paola, who had my back at work. We started hanging out a little after work ... and just ... she's awesome. So grateful for her friendship.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Claire Saffitz of "Gourmet Makes" because she's amazing, beautiful, funny, and totally skilled.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? I quit following politics this year. I was too stressed and depressed.
35. Who did you miss? Actually two people. One person, I barely knew, but we had a connection and I just loved talking to him. I don't know why we lost touch, but I can only hope he'll come back into my life in the future.
I also missed someone else and my friendship with that person. The whole experience of missing that person led me into a depression earlier in the year, which can only really be explained as sadness for what was and what can never be again. I don't know that I'm completely past that, and I don't actually know if I ever will be, but I have come a long way emotionally in the past year. For that, I am grateful.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019.
People change. They grow apart. You can't make them stay with you. You can't expect them to be the same person they were ten years ago. Maybe they don't know how to love you like you need to be loved?
Keep looking though. Because someone out there does know how to love you and can help you out when you need it most. And also, just because someone can't be there for you like you want or need them to be, doesn't mean that they aren't being there for you in the best way and only way they know how.
I had a friend tell me "I love you unconditionally" and in the time since, I've tested him. Never intentionally, but I'm female. Sometimes I say the wrong thing, sometimes I get emotional. And he told me "How deep is my love for you? ... No one knows. Best guess? Really f'ing deep." and then he gave me a virtual hug. And that was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. The realization that whatever I'm going through, no matter how stupidly I behave, he's got my back. And it just makes me so happy to know that there is someone out there that will have my back no matter what.
37. Quote that sums up your year.
"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams."
- Pablo Neruda, “One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII
