Marriage Lessons After Four Years…

I'm a day late and a dollar short (since we went out to eat last night), but

Happy anniversary to us!

Woot!

Now that that's out of the way…

What has marriage taught me in the past 4 years?

• Things don't always work out the way you intend for them to. Yes, that's a practical life lesson, but, as it turns out, it's true in marriage too. You have to be flexible and work with your significant other. Together you may go through difficult times, but you can at least take comfort knowing that you are doing it together.

• Don't worry about the Jones's; don't compare yourself or your relationship to anyone else's. You know the snowflake metaphor? Well, not all snowflakes are unique, but people, in fact, are! Some people have more money; some have less. And this goes for bigger yards, homes, more kids, larger families, smaller families, more argumentative families, less argumentative families, green eggs and ham, etc, etc… Someone will always have something better/more than you; get over it. Live the life you need to, to get to where you want to get in life. Make the hard decisions.

• Friends fall away… I would never purposely end a friendship, but I have had people do that to me. You announce a wedding and people start falling through the cracks. First, there are the ones who are upset that they didn't make the wedding party cut. Then there are the jealous ones who wish they were getting married. And after the wedding day? You have obligations to your significant other that you didn't have before, and friends get irritated with that. Luckily, I have a few friends that stuck through the life change, but it was really eye-opening to discover which people were willing to stick it out with me and which ones weren't.

• As crazy as it sounds, even if you dated for 15 thousand years before getting married, getting married equates to a life change. What life change you ask? It depends on the person. For me it meant moving out of my childhood home, discovering how to split my time between two families giving each equal treatment, and figuring out finances. Ohmygoodness did that take a while! (I think we are still figuring out the finances.) Anyway, life changes can stir up all of the emotions: sadness, happiness, excitement, depression, etc, etc… You will have to work through those emotions and the life change with not only your husband but all of the people in your life. Tackle one day at a time. And breathe. Go easy on yourself. Life changes are hard. 

• And the life change caused by marriage? That's not the only hard thing. You see … there is single life, then relationship life (where you aren't officially attached or unattached), and then … married life which means, after marriage, the way you respond to people will change. For both the single and relationship life stage, you are essentially free to do whatever you want. You might keep your significant others' thoughts and opinions in mind, but those don't necessarily drive your decision. When you are married, however, they can… Some things are straight forward: Should you accept a date? Or flirt with a stranger? Are you married? If yes, then no. If no, then sure! And what about private emails? Facebook messaging? iphone messaging? bank accounts? Who can see what? How do you decide? Do you share everything to keep the peace? Do you keep some emails/messaging private? … like the ones where a friend emailed you … not you and your significant other? Does it depend on the content of the email/message? The person who sent it? Or your partner's insecurity levels?

All of these things make marriage sound really terrible (and complicated) when it is not at all! Those are merely the challenges I've faced in the four years I've been married.

There are great experiences in marriage too like…

• Always having a support system
• Being loved unconditionally
• Gaining more family
and
• Late night slumber parties with your best friend! or #HowToAnnoyYourHusbandWhenHesTryingToSleep

So, yeah. Awesome benefits! The benefits definitely outweigh the struggles.

I'm grateful my husband and I have made it through 4 of the most confusing and exciting years of my life. Here's hoping for a successful lifetime together! :)

* I'm blogging my way through the #30Lists in March. You should too. :)