Meaningful Gifts

No, I did not lose my ring in the snow … yet.

So … Funny story. :)

Before Justin and I got married, he had a laptop on life support. I mean – seriously. He was keeping it alive as long as he possibly could at my suggestion. I'm all about not buying things and saving money as long as you can until you become absolutely desperate.

Around the same time, we were talking about engagement. Nothing serious. More so, I told him (jokingly or not) that I wanted an expensive camera instead of an engagement ring. Every other expensive ring I had ever owned I had lost (unless I kept it in the box and didn't wear it ever); I simply didn't/don't like wearing rings.

That particular Christmas (in 2010), Justin had enough money in savings to buy a new computer.

You know what he did instead?

…

Guess.

…

He bought me not only an engagement ring but also a Wacom Tablet. (Do you know how expensive Wacom tablets are?!?)

Like seriously? … I tell you to save your money and then you waste spend it on me instead?!?! How does this even work?

I now joke that I am wearing a laptop on my finger. I've threatened to sell the ring a few times and buy something useful … like a camera. :) The jewelry store that cleans it though is always like "This is worth so much more now in 2016 than it was in 2010!" so I keep my mouth shut. I like when things go up in value. ;)

Needless to say when it came time to pick out a wedding ring, I picked out something sooo much cheaper. Like 10% of my engagement ring value. Eh … maybe 33%. I forget exactly.

Either way, I'm not allowed to take my rings off.** He's afraid I'll lose them. (I will.)

I look 12 in this picture, but I think I was like 20-something?!?! I guess
dolls will do that to you! #NoMakeUp #ForeverYoung #HomemadeDolls

Anyway, all of this leads me to say that I have a ton of family heirlooms (my grandmother's china, Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls made for me by my grandmother, a homemade wooden doll bed made for me by my grandfather, Barbies from my mother's childhood, furniture my mother had growing up, etc…) that could be passed down to future children, but none of that matters as much as the people I love and care about and the stories behind these items. There is nothing quite as beautiful or wonderful as being told "I love you so much that I am giving you this … that I made for you/spent years saving for." Nothing is quite as beautiful as the love behind the gift. :)

Do you have any beautiful love stories about gifts or heirlooms given to you? 

* I'm participating in #LoveBlog. Want to join in?
** (What he doesn't know won't hurt him.)

Boundaries, Trust, & Love

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Let me tell you a story…

Once upon a time I had a German friend (A) and a friend who was getting married (J) to a man who lived in Germany (J1). Anyway, I happened to be visiting A and his wife (A1) when I found out that J was coming to Germany to visit J1. J and A mentioned possibly meeting up, but they needed me to intervene a'la Whatsapp. So I did. 

The two never met up.

As it turns out, J1 was the jealous type. He was all like "why would you want to go meet up with this random man (A) that you don't even know all that well when you could be traveling around Germany hanging out with just me?" (I wasn't there. I don't know his exact words.)

And so she succumbed.

I mean – I get it. Why would you meet up with a friend of a friend with your boyfriend? #Awkward. But still. The more friends, the merrier, right? And it's not like A was really a stranger to J; she met him and A1 at my wedding. And J was the outgoing type – the kind of person to approach a stranger and make a friend.

Anyway, whatever.

The thing that stunned me though was how, when she got back, she said "I just said that I wanted to meet up with him (A) so that I wouldn't hurt your feelings." 

*sigh*

How would her meeting or not meeting up with A hurt my feelings? Why would I even care? It is none of my business. If they want to be friends … or more … or less … or whatever … I don't care!

But the story about J? She's not the only one. I've heard countless stories just like that from my friends and every last one ends up with the girl crying over how her boyfriend is hanging out with other girls (not necessarily platonic) while she is left on the sidelines and not allowed to hang out with other guys (platonic or not).

Dudes, trust your girls. Girls, trust your guys.

Dating does not have to be so complicated. Either you are in it together for the long run or you aren't. A lack of trust isn't going to get you anywhere.

Love is a choice. Make it or leave.

* I'm participating in #LoveBlog. Want to join in?

Showing Love Through Service Work

One of my most memorable experiences of doing service work was going up to Asheville, North Carolina during a spring break retreat with my college's religious life program. In total, all nine of us, including the group leader, met for the first time that Saturday before going. We all crowded into a small van with no idea of what was in store for our week.

As it turns out, our school had located a large old house for us to reside in during our time in the Montreat College area just north of Asheville. As we settled in, each picking our own rooms, we met Aimee head of a local presbyterian church in the area.

She informed us that our next five days would go as follows:

• Wake up early (usually 7am or so). Eat breakfast (if you do) and pack a lunch.
• Service work until noon or 1pm, with what we were doing varying each day.
• Lunch.
• More service work depending on the day … or … exploring Asheville.
• 6PM Groups of 4 take turns making dinner for everyone or cleaning up.
• 7PM Group reflection time. Bible verse and story included.
• 8PM Free Time.

During that week we helped clean a dilapidated church in a run down community; played with kids at a children's home; painted (walls), cleaned, and cooked at a women's shelter; hung and organized clothing and toiletries for a store that provides financial assistance to a homeless shelter; and sorted through canned food for the hungry.

We were so busy that week I didn't even think about how I had no internet. I read a favorite childhood book Ramona Quimby, Age 8; sat on the porch swing late into the night chatting with friends from home; watched movies and explored the beautifully wooded college campus with the group (an unofficial, unguided tour); and more than anything, simply found myself in awe at how amazing these women who were giving up their spring break to provide to the community were. Plus. it was shocking to see how many ways there were to provide service to the community in a town a mere 4 hours from my home!

In the time since, I haven't taken the opportunity to provide nearly as much service as I did that one week. I know it's important, but we get busy and are trying to pay off debt… Really one excuse after another.

If you haven't had a chance to think about giving back to your community in a while, I encourage you to think about doing so today, this week, this month, or this year. There are so many organizations you could help out with … and even some that I haven't mentioned in this post. A family friend used to take blankets to the homeless in our city on particularly cold, winter nights. (Although I must encourage you to be careful doing things like that!) You could also donate to the church or provide used clothing (in good condition) to a shelter or Goodwill. I've even heard of people paying for the car behind them in a fast food line! (Making someone's day could be considered charity! Ever heard of the movie Pay It Forward?)

What are some of your favorite ways to provide service work for your community? Have you ever been on a retreat, like the one I shared about in this post? 

* I'm participating in #LoveBlog. Want to join in?

Social Media

Where everybody is nobody and nobody is somebody.

Let's be real. I have a love/hate relationship with social media. 

FACEBOOK

I joined Facebook the second year it was available when you had to have a college email address to use it. I added everyone I even slightly recognized from classes. It was great because the platform was exclusive enough that you weren't worried about stalkers (or family) but inclusive enough that you could ask for the day's homework assignment from the random kid that sat two rows down from you in class.

It didn't take long though before Facebook was opened up to everyone. And then they started tracking you as an ad statistic. :( Unfortunately, if you leave, you struggle to keep with everybody you went to high school or college with. And then there are friends – Who do you get rid of and when? Facebook can make friendship that much more complicated.

TWITTER

I was all anti-Twitter for years and years and years. I joined for work and kept it because it was a much more exclusive platform. There is also something adorable about having a character limit.

As more friends of mine began to join Twitter, I started posting less. (Sorry friends!)

INSTAGRAM

Instagram is the one social media outlet that I couldn't wait to get my hands on! I had a non-smartphone far longer than I should have. I didn't want to pay for the upgrade AND I was afraid I'd drop it and break it. A lack of smartphone for years and years meant no instagram. Eventually my in-laws bought me a smartphone; instagram was the first app I downloaded. Oh – and it took me 3 years before I broke my first smartphone; I think I did pretty good. :)

PINTEREST

This was my chosen social media for wedding planning. I was one of the first to join. The biggest problem I found with it? I wanted to do all of the crafts and have the perfect wedding! As with anything I try to be a perfectionist at – I did not succeed at either of my goals. Time was too strained and even the best vendors fell apart on my day of. Oops. As they say, the important part is that we got married, right?

LINKEDIN, TUMBLR, SNAPCHAT, ETC

Somehow I've managed to avoid all of the other social media thus far.

TAKEAWAY

Overall, I love that social media makes it easy to keep up with friends and family, but there are many aspects of social media that I wish didn't exist. Like keeping up appearances. Or having my information used without my consent. Or being targeted for ads. Why can't social media just be simple … like the Yellow Pages used to be?

What are your thoughts on social media? Do you love it or hate it?

* I'm participating in #LoveBlog. Want to join in?

#LoveBlog Challenge

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Today is day 15 of #LoveBlog and for my sanity, I feel it is important to be straight with you. While I love participating in link-ups, I usually don't go full in because I really like my daily themes. I like talking about food and travel … and …  But I also like challenges; I like taking on potential growth opportunities.

With #LoveBlog, I foresaw the opportunity to combine topics or transform a prompt into something I can relate to and provide commentary on. Were any of you around for last year's April A-Z blogging? One of my favorite blog posts was written during the A-Z challenge as I tried to work around the theme of "absence" and, also, fit in the fantastic story by Mimi Baird He Wanted The Moon in. It was a complicated topic with the blog post taking me hours to put together, but in the end it felt very rewarding when you and I alike had the chance to discuss the challenges faced by the mentally ill. That was goal #1 of participating in #LoveBlog this month.

For goal #2 I had the hope that, through participating in #LoveBlog, I would be able to get personal with you. Sometimes in writing blog posts, I distance myself. Food is only personal inasmuch as we all have to eat it. Clothing … well, I recommend not running around naked. In the US, you'd probably get fined and taken to jail. I guess I'm just saying that my typical blog posts and reviews aren't necessarily relatable. If I'm not relatable, what kind of writer or blogger am I? I was hoping that #LoveBlog would give me a chance to break new ground and become a better writer and blogger.

Unfortunately, 15 days in and #LoveBlog has me struggling. The topics tend to blow my mind. While I can typically think of some personal story to share, it's not always the most amusing or written in the best way. Then, to make blogging more complicated, I've been sick … beginning all the way back on day one. First it was a stomach bug, then it was sinuses. And now? This week I'm working crazy-long hours, so there will be no time to catch up if I fall behind.

Readers, #LoveBlog friends, I feel like I have, thus far, failed at participating in #LoveBlog nearly as well as I should be. Do I need to skip blogging on days I can't find a way to relate (like I did 2 Fridays ago on day 5)? Do I write and publish even on days when my blog post is limping along (like day 9)? Is just writing every day enough of a challenge to help me improve my relatability and flexibility in writing?

If you are currently participating in a link-up or have in the past (or are a writer, blogger, or reader of any sort!), I'd love to hear your thoughts… As it turns out, participating in a link-up is way more complicated than I ever thought it would be!

Mentors 101

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Over the last ten years of my life, my view on mentorship has vastly changed to the point where I don't trust people.

Immediately out of college I took on three consecutive internships and was burned three consecutive times. It really sucks when you commit time and energy to a project with the intention of connecting with people, learning from the best, and building your resume only to have them tell you that: 1) you should be committing more time to your unpaid internship rather than enjoying weekends with your boyfriend and family, 2) you will never be good enough to be paid, and 3) all of the work you have completed cannot be used in your portfolio because … because.

Lesson learned: Never do an unpaid internship in exchange for knowledge. People can be rude, unkind, and will only help you so long as they are bringing in money based on work you've done (aka breaking the law).

This is not to say that I haven't had positive influences on my life.

Oh no!

I have amazing family and friends who have always inspired me and brought out the best in me.

• There is my husband who was with me when I received one of those emails from an internship and saw me shaking and crying as I tried to respond with any amount of dignity. He held me together as I wrote the email and encouraged me to keep trying. I did – and got burned again, but that's another story. Of course – that's not the only time he has been an emotional support. That's what husbands are for, right? ;)

• My grandparents have also been a huge support in my life – both emotional and otherwise. They would pick me up from after school activities like orchestra and chorus; they bought me my first computer and installed games to help me with spelling and math. And then there was that Christmas when I received a big heavy gift under the tree. You'll never believe what it was! … A Webster's dictionary. It was both the most exciting and most boring gift I have ever received. But that shows you how dedicated to my education and seeing me succeed they were. <3.

• My parents have also been involved in my life. My mom checked over my homework every night making sure I dotted all of my i's and crossed all of my t's while my dad helped me with projects – anything from science to art. He encouraged me to be creative and think outside of the box. Unlike my mom, who I could occasionally get to type up a report for me, my dad refused to do any of my homework. In fact, he would show me how to solve a problem once and then go back to watching tv waiting for me to figure it out. In the end, it worked. Kudos to him for being more interested in television than solving my math problems for me. ;)

• And, oh, my friends. :) Email is how I first learned to type. You never know how fast you can learn to keyboard until you have something important to say. :) And the same friend that taught me to type always made the time to look over my English papers correcting errors and encouraging me to use active voice instead of passive. Meanwhile, another friend took my writing in a whole different direction; limited vocabulary meant I had to be simple and direct. (If only I had kept that up! Writing emails to him would take hours as I proofread and proofread again critiquing and analyzing every single word!) We won't even talk about emotional catastrophes and how these people helped me get through them.

• Finally – my teachers. In fifth grade I had a teacher that would always call on me during math class. I hated math; it was my worst subject. And thus? I hated her. :( But my math skills really improved under her guidance. She was the same teacher that said I had to read books from different genres by different authors. Looking back, she was a really great teacher. :) And then there was a college professor who related history to what was currently going on in the world. Justin disliked her and said she was full of it; I loved her. :) I got to write a paper on the history of Monopoly, the board game! How fun is that!

So, while my viewpoint on internships and mentorships is far from the best, I am definitely grateful for all of the people who have had a positive influence on my life. People who have encouraged me and told me that nothing I desire is out of reach; people who have chosen to be there for me through all of life's ups and downs.

Looking back on your life, who had the biggest influence on the person you are today? Was it mentors who provided career guidance? Teachers, friends, or family? Some of each? … Will you be taking the time to thank them for all they've done this Valentine's Day?

* I participating in #LoveBlog this month and you can too! Click here to see the prompts!

Perfect Date Ideas

It all comes down to love.

What is the perfect date? Seeing the sun rise over the Eiffel Tower? That one kiss where you swear you hear fireworks in the distance?

I'd like to argue that, for me, a perfect date is just spending time with someone you love. There is always something that could go better during a date, and isn't more fun when you are less stressed about everything going wrong and more interested in just having fun?

Justin and I have had a lot of fun date nights over the past 11.5 years. Some were more simple than others, but in the end I think what has always made the best nights stand out were the moments we spent together just talking and having fun.

Nevertheless, here are my favorite activities I've done with my husband; things I recommend you do with your significant other as well:

1. When Justin and I first started dating, I would always plan elaborate outings for our yearly anniversaries. The first one included brunch at the top of the Westin in Atlanta, a spinning restaurant where, over the course of an hour, you can see the whole Atlanta Skyline. Then, the next year, we went to the chocolate exhibit at Fernbank Museum of Natural History, had Asian for dinner, and finished our night off at The Oceanaire, a restaurant I picked because of the color you could see from the outside at night – blue. We had a delicious brownie, bigger than you can ever imagine, with the waitstaff only a finger lift away. We felt like royalty that night as we consumed our brownie and glass of milk. :) We spent our anniversary one year at the JAX beach in Florida, then another having brunch at Canoe, a restaurant that serves fresh made-to-order orange juice and eggs that come from chickens they have "out back". Finally, there was the year, I gave up the reins and let Justin plan. We went restaurant hopping (appetizer at one, dinner at another, dessert at a third) and then saw a theatrical performance at Shakespeare's Tavern.

Seriously, if you have the time and resources to plan elaborate dates like this where you can get to know your state or city better, I highly recommend it. It's so much fun and gives you great memories to look back on.

2. Justin and I don't always go all out for date-nights. Sometimes we do things more simply – like sitting on a front porch swing on a beautiful summer night listening to the crickets and talking, going star-gazing, watching planes fly in at Dekalb Peachtree Airport, picnicking while watching the sunset, or leaf-looking in the mountains.

3. During the cold winter months or when one of us is sick, it's sometimes better to stay inside. Ice skating at the local rink is always fun and I love going to see a movie… But reading a book together, watching a movie at home, or even cooking can be a delightful experience too.

4. One of the most exciting dates Justin and I ever went on was when we got in the car and followed highway 78 in Atlanta just to see where it went. We bought a Papa John's pizza, got in Justin's ratty old truck and just started driving. When we finally got to the end of 78, it was nearly 9PM. That's about the point when my cell phone rang; it was my dad. "Where are you?" he asked. "Umm… You don't want to know…" I told him. Given that we were walking on a beach in Charleston, I assumed he could hear the waves in the background, so I finally gave in revealing my location. I said "I'll be a little late tonight." :)

Yes, I also recommend being adventurous, following roads until you get lost, and taking a pizza for snacking on as you go. You should try it! – It's fun! :)

5. Finally, I'm always up for spending time with one another's friends and family. You can't always be alone! Things like bonfires, Thanksgiving, and watching the Super Bowl are always better with other people, no matter how much you like your spouse.

What are some of your favorite date activities to do with your spouse or significant other? Is there something specifc you would consider doing on a "perfect date night?"

* I'm participating in #LoveBlog. See the prompts here if you would like to join in.