Boundaries, Trust, & Love

Let me tell you a story…

Once upon a time I had a German friend (A) and a friend who was getting married (J) to a man who lived in Germany (J1). Anyway, I happened to be visiting A and his wife (A1) when I found out that J was coming to Germany to visit J1. J and A mentioned possibly meeting up, but they needed me to intervene a'la Whatsapp. So I did.

The two never met up.

As it turns out, J1 was the jealous type. He was all like "why would you want to go meet up with this random man (A) that you don't even know all that well when you could be traveling around Germany hanging out with just me?" (I wasn't there. I don't know his exact words.)

And so she succumbed.

I mean – I get it. Why would you meet up with a friend of a friend with your boyfriend? #Awkward. But still. The more friends, the merrier, right? And it's not like A was really a stranger to J; she met him and A1 at my wedding. And J was the outgoing type – the kind of person to approach a stranger and make a friend.

Anyway, whatever.

The thing that stunned me though was how, when she got back, she said "I just said that I wanted to meet up with him (A) so that I wouldn't hurt your feelings."

*sigh*

How would her meeting or not meeting up with A hurt my feelings? Why would I even care? It is none of my business. If they want to be friends … or more … or less … or whatever … I don't care!

But the story about J? She's not the only one. I've heard countless stories just like that from my friends and every last one ends up with the girl crying over how her boyfriend is hanging out with other girls (not necessarily platonic) while she is left on the sidelines and not allowed to hang out with other guys (platonic or not).

Dudes, trust your girls. Girls, trust your guys.

Dating does not have to be so complicated. Either you are in it together for the long run or you aren't. A lack of trust isn't going to get you anywhere.

Love is a choice. Make it or leave.

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